talk to me?

That feeling when you wanna talk to someone, and there's a lot of people you can talk but you just can't talk to them. I need to talk to outsider who can understand what i really feel.
to be honest, i just wanna cry right now. But i can't.
i don't want people saw me cry over this, I'm not weak

aku wanita...

Aku adalah wanita

Aku adalah wanita yang seharusnya kau hargai

Aku adalah wanita yang seharusnya sangat kau cintai

Aku adalah wanita yang akan melahirkan anakmu

Aku adalah wanita yang akan melahirkan calon pemimpin negeri ini

Aku adalah wanita, 

Aku rapuh. Tapi aku kuat pada saat yang sama.

Kamu, pria... 

Banyak diantara kamu yang melecehkan ku, wanita... dimata umum, itu merupakan hal yang sangat wajar. Namun, apa yang terjadi bila aku melecehkanmu? Apakah orang akan memanggilku wanita kurang ajar? Wanita tidak tahu diri?

Banyak diantara kamu yang menginginkan cinta dari banyak wanita, dan mereka menganggap itu adalah hal yang wajar. Akan tetapi, bila wanita menginginkan cinta dari banyak pria. Apa yang akan mereka katakan? Aku murahan? Aku gampangan? Hey look, she's a bitch! Itu yang akan mereka katakan... 

Banyak diantara kamu yang berlaku kasar padaku. Kamu mencaci maki aku, memukuli aku, dan kamu meninggalkanku dengan mudah... 

Apa yang terjadi bila ibumu melakukan hal yang sama seperti apa yang telah kamu lakukan padaku? 

Aku, kami, wanita... 

hanya ingin setara, dihargai, dicintai, diperlakukan dengan sebaik mungkin

Aku tak butuh banyak uang, aku bisa mencarinya sendiri. 

Aku butuh seorang pemimpin yang dapat memimpinku dan anak - anakku kelak

Aku tidak butuh diktator, aku butuh seorang yang tegas. Karena dalam sebuah keluarga, seorang wanita dipimpin bukan memimpin.

Aku butuh figur yang baik, agar dapat dicontoh oleh anak - anakku kelak.

Aku, wanita... 

Aku butuh kesetaraan, aku memang lemah. Namun kamu tidak bisa menindasku begitu saja. 

Aku wanita, aku kuat baik saat aku memiliki kamu, pria dalam hidupku atau tidak. 

Officially ended

It's officially ended before it's begun. I'm not regret everything that I've done these few months.

No effort is useless, and one mistake doesn't make me a sinner. I have reasons tho, it makes me relieved that God finally answered my prayers. Even though they're good people, and I love them like I love my family, but i can't live with them anymore. Especially when my pride is broken, well call me selfish but those words are hurting me.

I'm sad, when i shouldn't. I knew it's not going to work. Some people said that bad decisions brings you to the right places, well amen to that.

Lessons learned : you can't fix what's already broken, sometimes it's better to let them fall apart until someone put it back together like it used to....

I have no idea who's gonna be that someone, but i still have a faith. Hope that he can put the pieces back, makes me happy, appreciate me, hope he's really a good man... I'm waiting for that moment to come, i don't know when, where, and who. Well, goodbye monkey...

Fear

I'm done dealing with the fear of being alone and lonely. However, being lonely is one of the best feeling tho. You know your self more, you appreciate yourself. Of course some people would call you selfish and egomaniac, but who cares?!

But now this situation makes me thinking a lot. Makes me realize that i'm afraid of getting hurt. I'm afraid of starting a new relationship, i have trust issues, I'm insecure.
God i hate this feeling. :(

WHY?

WHY KEEP I CHASING HIM? AND HE'S CHASING ME BACK? WHY DON'T WE STOP HURTING EACH OTHER?

It's true that a few action can't describe by words. And not everyone can understand, even yourself.

BECAUSE OF LOVE, BECAUSE I KNOW NO ONE UNDERSTAND ME LIKE YOU DO. IT'S HURT BUT I ENJOY SPENDING MY TIME WITH YOU.

Maybe that's what he thought. Maybe......... Still i have no idea what to do next